Soulful Planning
When I share with people that I am an End of Life Doula, the most common response is “a what?”
Upon repeating my statement, the usual response is “I have never heard of that!”
That’s ok, the field of End of Life Doula’s is small but very fast growing, and I am always happy to talk about this beautiful service.
Consider this description of a process that we are more familiar with, the start of life.
The start (end) of life is often like this:
-she notices changes in her body, suspecting something is different
-her doctor diagnoses her with pregnancy (a life limiting illness)
-she has a rush of emotions, the rest of her life has just changed
-she tells her friends and family
-her calendar becomes dotted with doctor’s appointments
-there is the opportunity to plan and prepare
-there are signs that the big event is nearing
-the closest friends and family are called to be with her to share in the experience
-they await the sacred moment, the first (last) breath of life
Most people are familiar with the role of a Birth Doula, who provides practical, emotional, mental, psychosocial, and spiritual support to a couple and their new baby. We can change 3 words in the process, and it describes a journey through dying and death. An End of Life Doula, aka Death Doula, Sacred Passage Guide, Soul Midwife, accompanies the dying person and their loved ones along this same journey, also providing practical, emotional, mental, psychosocial, and spiritual support.
Imagine, a pregnant mother arrives at the hospital, in the pain of labour, with no birth plan, no knowledge of the unstoppable process about to unfold, no supplies prepared, no dedicated space or nursery, no support and nobody wants to talk about it. This event, which could be a beautiful welcoming for new life, is more likely to unfold in a chaotic and traumatic way. Death and dying is like this too
By definition, “End of Life Doulas are frontline caregivers who provide comforting care to people and their loved ones during illness and the dying process. Their compassionate presence increases quality of life moments for all involved. They are trained in holistic care to bring comfort and peace to those at end of life and their loved ones”. – definition from The Conscious Dying Institute
What do doulas do? A simple list of functions I can provide are:
-assisting with hospice decisions
-support access of hospice and palliative care programs
-comfort care
-practical household help
-facilitating family meetings
-communication
-holding space, ceremony and ritual
-sitting vigil during active dying and at the time of death
-after death body care
-home funeral assistance
-bereavement support
-assist with legacy projects
-advocate for client
-respite for caregivers
-demystify stages of the dying process
-psychosocial support to loved ones
This is a long and somewhat cold summary of possible duties an End of Life Doula could provide. To me, being a Death Doula is more than a list of services, rather it is being an embodiment of compassion, curiosity, and safe space. In my practice, I like to open conversations that inspire deep felt contemplation and ignite sparks of inspiration describing what is most important, meaningful, and sacred about life. This then leads to the creation of a plan for living fully until death. I call this a Soulful End of Life Vision Map. This Soulful Vision Map is focused on 5 domains of one’s being:
1. Physical:
a. Where do you want to be , who do you want with you (or not with you), what will bring you physical comfort, what do you want to be surrounded by in your environment
b. Vigil plan, for the last days and hours until death
2. Emotional:
a. Holding space for expression of intense emotions
b. Exploring your relationships with the people important to you, determine where closure is needed, forgiveness is needed, or unexpressed feelings remain
c. Self compassion to lighten the load of blame, shame, guilt, and regret, knowing you don’t want to carry this any further on your end of life journey, or into the afterlife
3. Legacy:
a. Approaching life now as an opportunity to build, create, and embody the legacy we want to leave behind. Solidify the expression of your legacy, bring your legacy to your loved ones.
b. The way you choose to die can be the last lesson you teach to your loved ones about your values about living.
4. Spiritual:
a. Identify your beliefs about spirit, religious practices, beauty and mystery.
b. Create actions, perhaps rituals or ceremony marking this right of passage, to bring your inside beliefs about spirit into outer physical expression.
c. Express your sense of awe and wonder about the next chapter of your existence you are moving toward, according to your beliefs.
5. After death care of your body
a. This could be a sacred bathing of your body after death, anointing each part of you, expressing gratitude, and a farewell.
b. After death in-home wake
c. Plan for returning your body to the earth, there are more options than you may be aware of…. Regular burial, cremation, natural/green burial, composting, aquamation
This is but a short summary of the thorough exploration undertaken. Your step-by-step plan is created to move you from your current reality to the realization of your Soulful End of Life Vision, and support for it’s manifestation. At a time when your energy is low and your current reality seems overwhelming, you don’t have to walk this journey alone.
I can’t make the unwelcome and painful news of one’s looming death go away, but I can guide and support your response so the journey toward death and beyond is a reflection of who you are and how you want to live your remaining days. The time left is Precious Time, with support and guidance you can focus your energy and time left on what’s most important to you.
Taking this intentional approach to death can facilitate a very intimate and personalized expression of the highest, richest, most meaningful experience of life possible during the time of living until death. This conscious approach provides all involved an opportunity for expansion, and to move toward wholeness
Meet Keri
Your guide, advocate, caregiver, companion, coach, and facilitator
I have had the privilege of caring for patients as a Registered Nurse in a variety of specialties, including Hospice, for over 3 decades. Now I spend my time as an End of Life Doula, helping my clients through their end-of-life journey, so they express what is most precious, sacred, and important to them in Life and in Death.