Endings, beginnings and the space in between
As I look forward to the beginning of my practice as an End of Life Doula, Coach and Educator, I am reflecting on the last 1.5 – 2 years of liminal time in my life.
A liminal space is the time between the 'what was' and the 'next.' It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing. When we are in liminal spaces, we have the feeling of being just on the verge of something, but don’t know what it is yet. This is where all transformation takes place, if we learn to wait and let it form us.
I relate to the perspective shared by Richard Rohr, who writes that liminal spaces should be introspective places rather than unsettling places. To him, “liminal” is a word meaning “threshold between one stage of life to another”. As a result, these can be seen as positive spaces where genuine newness can begin and a bigger world is revealed.
This spring marks the end of a 2 year period of time during which I experienced the end of a 7 year relationship, moving to a new city, end of a 34 year career in Nursing, loss of the world as we knew it (like everyone else, due to Covid 19) and deeply felt unknown in all of those areas of my life.
This time has been a practice in making just one decision at a time, with integrity, in the most authentic way possible, while not knowing the next step that will follow. I believed that anything is possible and “felt into” each opportunity or idea that came my way to choose what would be most in alignment with my values, beliefs, ethics, and dreams. This led me on a journey of meeting a wonderful new circle of friends, and opportunities that I couldn’t have been better to get me outside of my box and stretch the limits of what I can do while being gently supported.
I relocated several times, including to the beautiful Cortes Island for one year. I felt lovingly cradled by this special place while expanding my skills in leadership, yoga teaching, end of life teaching, grant writing, holding space (especially for myself) and even off grid organic farming! With renewed confidence and perspective, ideas germinated and sprouted, and what seemed like out of the blue, new direction became clear. What is interesting is that the new direction is not a brand new idea, but rather a long held dream for me. I just wasn’t ready to take the leap forward until I processed the past.
At times when I had no idea how to move forward, I asked myself: what can I do to free myself from the attachments to, and limitations of, the past? I believe to move forward into a new cycle with peace and freedom, I needed to find closure with what was. In seeking this sense of completion, the process of grieving was so important, sitting with and tending to ups and downs of fragile emotions. I created a grief ceremony to share with my community of friends going through a common experience. Eventually, I find I am feeling less frustration, anger, betrayal, emptiness, loss, uprootedness, and more gratitude for the gifts and many wonderful experiences. I still carry it all with me in my 'bag', but it is lovingly packed and less likely to fall out unexpectedly!
One ritual that has helped me to process during this time is cold water dipping! I have never been a fan of cold water, which makes intentionally getting into the cold ocean, feeling uncomfortable, and imagining washing away what no longer serves me, a deeply symbolic action.
This time between has been deeply transformative for me. Using tools like living focused on the present moment, grief tending, ritual, ceremony, patience, time in nature, and supportive connections has made all the difference.
Keri
Meet Keri
Your guide, advocate, caregiver, companion, coach, and facilitator
I have had the privilege of caring for patients as a Registered Nurse in a variety of specialties, including Hospice, for over 3 decades. Now I spend my time as an End of Life Doula, helping my clients through their end-of-life journey, so they express what is most precious, sacred, and important to them in Life and in Death.
