Reclaiming the Lost Art and Healing Ritual of a Home Wake
For millennia, dying, death, care of the body, and burial was carried out by family and community at home. This up close and full participation in the realities of death and dying allowed everyone involved to feel and process the cycle of life and transition with their body and soul. Now in the western world care for the sick and dying is usually done by staff in hospitals and the body is whisked away to the morgue within a few hours after death. This leaves loved ones with very little opportunity make the most of the sacred time after death, or to process the loss.
We can reclaim this process in many ways
Imagine having your deceased loved one at home after their death. Whether they died at home, in a hospital, or facility, you can transport their body back home and keep them there for several days. They will be lovingly bathed, dressed in their thoughtfully chosen clothes, adorned with flowers from the garden, and laid in honor in a room decorated with their favorite things according to their plans and wishes. Altars and sacred space are created. Over the course of 2-3 days, family and friends gather in the home, sharing food, reciting poetry, sharing memories, playing music, talking to the deceased and each other, holding the body, and shedding tears. Everyone has an opportunity to fully express what is on their heart, leaving nothing unsaid. Rituals meaningful to the family can be performed, a way to express on the outside the deep inner experience that is being felt. Some have made their own simple casket that everyone can take a turn decorating by hand, creating an envelope of love. Many hands contribute to making the event come together, allowing people to fulfill the natural impulse to take action at times like this.
Funeral services can be held in the home, or in another venue.
The family has this extended period of time to begin to come to terms with the passing. As they sit with the deceased for hours, they will sense with their entire being the change that is occurring; the progressive energetic absence of their deceased loved one and shift within themselves and the family system. After this intense period, the family members have a good start on their grieving process. They are ready to let the body go, while they have connected in a new way with the spirit of the deceased. This multigenerational experience can create a positive relationship with dying for the younger ones. Everyone who takes part in this healing and compassionate container for a death can move forward from it with their heart and soul expanded.
Planning for more personal and uniquely authentic after death care can start at any stage of life… we are all going to die and may or may not know when this time will come.
An End of Life Doula can be an invaluable support and guide in the creation of memories like these.
Here is a beautiful story about a wake :
Meet Keri
Your guide, advocate, caregiver, companion, coach, and facilitator
I have had the privilege of caring for patients as a Registered Nurse in a variety of specialties, including Hospice, for over 3 decades. Now I spend my time as an End of Life Doula, helping my clients through their end-of-life journey, so they express what is most precious, sacred, and important to them in Life and in Death.
